What It Means
by BeautifulLie20
Summary: Because he could have ran, flipped that infamous switch he loved talking about, and forgotten about all of them. He could have left her to die plenty of times already. Yet here he sat, willing to protect her...
1. Chapter 1

This is what it used to mean to be Damon Salvatore: death, darkness, misery. Even as a human the few bright spots in his life had been the short time spent with his mother, the days of running around with Stefan, the nights of lying in bed with Katherine. One would die and the other two would betray him. Betrayal. To have everyone betray you, that's what it had meant to be Damon Salvatore.

What it had cost him; his humanity. When Stefan turned him, the anger, the hatred, the loss of Katherine was magnified. So he clung to those because the other option would have been to feel it all. To feel the pain, the ache at having lost the people he loved. But instead he had left his humanity behind, by the old stream along with his little brother and his first victim back in 1864 where it belonged.

This is what it means to be Damon Salvatore now: hope, redemption, Elena Gilbert. A girl who sees past the monster, who despite his best efforts has shown him a better way of life. He has a brother again, a town that almost, if not quite respects him now. And it started with her because she saw something in him worth saving. Damon Salvatore was worth saving. He is worth something to _her._

What it's costing him; his soul. Because he _loves _her but she is Stefan's and for the first time tonight, he gets that. He doesn't deserve her. What he had been, what he was close to becoming everyday again, would corrupt her, twist her into the darkness he'd spent 145 years lost in. He wouldn't do that to her. He won't be selfish with her. _Can't_ be selfish.

Damon downs the rest of his bourbon, slamming the glass down on the bar countertop. Pushing himself to his feet, he pulls a wad of cash out his wallet, throwing it down next to his now empty glass. He wasn't going to compel the bartender for free drinks as he usual did. Not tonight.

Tonight he wanted to feel human again. He wanted to _feel _it all for one last time_._ Because come tomorrow he would need to shove it all aside once again. To protect Elena. So for now, he allowed himself to remember what it had meant to him to be human.


	2. Chapter 2

It was reckless, being out this late, with no protection but sleep eluded Elena once again. Which is how she found herself standing outside The Boarding House, leaning against her car staring up at the ancient building. She wanted to go in, have Stefan wrap his strong arms around her and tell her, even if it was a lie that it would be alright. He was good at that. But they weren't together anymore and a part of her wanted to be strong without him, to prove that she could be.

She heard a noise, the sound of a branch snapping. Instinctively Elena froze, the grip on her keys tightening defensively, not that it would help if it had been an Original come to kill her at last. Instead it was Damon who stepped out from beneath the shadows, the moonlight making his dark features even more ominous. Before she could exhale the breath she'd been holding Damon was in front of her, his head tilted, expression unreadable.

"You scared me." She admitted.

His face remained emotionless as he peered at her in the dark. The moonlight was behind him, casting him into darkness. Finally, he stirred to life, his voice low and even. "It's late. You need to get inside."

He turned back towards the house, expecting her to either follow or get back in her car. Not wanting to be alone, Elena followed. She hadn't seen him since Rose had showed up two days ago. He'd been keeping his distance, running around, chasing leads with Rose. Once, she had gone looking for Damon in his room, finding a sleeping Rose instead. The older vampire had been wearing one of Damon's dark shirts, a naked leg sticking out from beneath tangled sheets. Damon had not been there.

She wondered if they would find a half naked Rose waiting for them when they entered the house. Elena was relieved to see the foyer and living room were empty.

"Drink?" Damon offered, holding out a glass of bourbon to her. She shook her head. He shrugged. "Suit yourself."

He took a seat in front the fireplace, content to watch the flames consume the pieces of wood in there. Silently, she took a seat next to him. Close, but not close should one shift they would touch.

He shook the glass in his hand, the ice clinking against the glass. Elena watched the flames' reflection dance across the glass in his hand. Remembering what it was she had searched him out for the other day she broke the silence. "Were supposed to do something the other day?"

"No." His eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Why?"

"I-," She started, suddenly unsure. It was probably nothing but the thought had been nagging at her for a few days now. "I don't know. It just feels like I'm forgetting something. You ever feel that way? Like you know it's something you should know but the memory is just out of reach?"

"Afraid not. I haven't had the luxury to be forgetful lately." Emotion had flickered across his face so suddenly Elena thought she had imagined it.

She knew it was her burden that he carried. He couldn't forget because it could mean life or death for her and their friends. Watching him now, seeing the lines that creased his forehead as he sat, lost in his own thoughts it was hard to hate him. Because he could have ran, flipped that infamous switch he loved talking about, and forgotten about all of them. He could have left her to die plenty of times already.

Yet here he sat, willing to protect her, his brother, her friends, a town. All of which had hurt him as badly as he had hurt them once. She could remember Isobel's words to this day.

_Because he's in love with you._

And for the briefest of seconds Elena allowed herself to wonder if that could be true. If Damon Salvatore, the vampire who claimed to have no heart, could love her?

She placed a hand on his knee. Startled at her touch he glanced down, his icy blue eyes lingering on her touch. What was she doing? They didn't touch like this. At least not any more, not since he had snapped her brother's neck. She was supposed to hate him now.

"I'm sorry." She said softly. He swallowed, looking up, meeting her gaze.

"For what?"

"I'm sorry that you're putting your life at risk every day for me. It's not just my family at risk, it's yours too."

Damon closed his eyes, her gentle words washing over him. Boldly he lifted his free hand, placing it over hers. "You are my family Elena."

His words warmed her, the look in his eyes killing whatever hate she had left for him in her. This Damon was her friend and despite what he had done, she trusted him, more than she would ever admit.

Damon rose, releasing her hand, the lack of contact leaving him cold. He went to the bar to refill his drink. "I could see how you'd prefer my company but Saint Stefan will have heard us by now." He took a sip of Bourbon.

She smiled at the familiar smirk curving his lips. "You wish."

"You should know better than to tempt a vampire Elena. We're not known for our self control." His smirk widened, his eyebrows wiggling suggestively. The feeling she was forgetting something rose in her suddenly again.

Before she left, she asked again. "You sure there's not- I mean," She stopped, laughing at her own ridiculousness. It was just one of those weeks she decided. "Never mind. Goodnight Damon."

"Goodnight Elena."


	3. Chapter 3

Morning came much too quick. Elena rolled over, staring up at her ceiling. A cold breeze blew in sending a shiver through her. She glanced at the window, doing a double take when she saw the curtains blowing. She hadn't left that open.

Hearing the quick thud of her heart, Stefan pushed away from the wall he'd been leaning on. "Morning."

"Wha-." Elena started, a hand rising to her chest in a moment of fear. "Jesus, Stefan."

By now she would have thought she'd be accustomed to the Salvatore brothers appearing in her room at the oddest hours. Although, mostly it had always been Damon to show up unannounced. However Stefan's less than thrilled face told her he wasn't here for shits and giggles like his brother's visits.

"I'm sorry Elena." He apologized; dark eyes boring into hers' from beneath thick eyebrows. "I heard you talking to Damon last night. I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I'm fine." She answered, sliding out of bed, her bare feet hitting the cold wooden floors. "You know, if you and Damon insist on these surprise visits you two could show a little consideration and close the window once you're inside."

"Damon visits?" His eyes followed her every move. It figured out of all that, that's the only part the younger Salvatore would pick up on.

Elena opened her mouth to answer, maybe even complain about his brother's annoying little visits, but she shut her mouth, not actually being able to recall the last time Damon had snuck through her window. It had been months, back when they were preparing for the Miss Mystic Falls events that he had been here.

"Well he used to anyways." She said at last. Though it didn't feel quite right. She shoved the missing feeling away, not wanting to dwell on it right now.

"Want me to ask him to stop?"

"No. He just likes to talk. Make sure things are okay here sometimes." And surprisingly she meant it. She kind of missed his visits now. It had always been a few minutes of escape.

"Oh." Stefan, for once, was at a loss for words. He had hoped after her break down a few days ago Elena would rethink their relationship. Except he found himself standing feet from her in her bedroom, feeling more like they had the whole town of Mystic Falls between them.

"I'm sorry I didn't come to you last night. Damon was just there. It doesn't mean anything." Elena said, as if reading the direction his mind was going.

There was a knock at her bedroom door; Jeremy's muffled voice coming through the door. "Jenna said breakfast will be ready in a few."

"Thanks Jer." She called back, looking back at Stefan. She tucked a few stray pieces of hair behind her ear.

"I love you Elena. I just want to keep you safe." He said closing the distance between them."I couldn't take it if anything happened to you."

Her eyes closed, his hands cupping her face. She wanted to give in so bad but couldn't. She pulled his hands away from her face, holding them between their bodies. "I love you too Stefan but I need this right now. I need to stand on my own two feet."

"It's not safe out there Elena."

"It's not safe for you either."

"That's different. You're not a vampire with super strength and speed. I can't protect you if you're out there alone."

"But I'm not alone." She smiled. "I have you and Damon. And Caroline. Bonnie is finally coming around too. There's even Rose, who's more powerful than all of you. I'm as safe as I'm going to get."

"Elena-."

She took a step back, dropping his hands. They hung limply at his sides. "Stefan please? This is hard enough as it is."

If it was even possible his brooding increased. But he sighed, nodding his head in acceptance. "See you at school."

He was gone before she could reply.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to –LoveAndPiracy-, Ghostwriter, and Valkyrie-ShapeShifter666 for your comments :] It means a lot to know you like it :] This is my first Vampire Diaries fanfic so I really want it to seem as believable as possible a story line! It's set a few days after the episode Katerina. **

**Disclaimer: Own nothing! **

"You can't hide from it forever."

Damon glanced back over his shoulder, an eyebrow quirked with a scowl gracing his handsome features. "Sorry if I don't burst out crying every five minutes like you."

Rose pushed herself up on his bed, sitting up on her elbows. He tossed the book he'd been flipping through on his desk, turning fully to face her. He crossed his arms, the scowl twisting into a mocking smile.

"Sorry if I don't kill people when I get rejected."

Damon took a step, using his unnatural speed to get to her, jumping up and landing on the bed above her. "Watch it."

"Or what?" Rose pushed, nipping at his bottom lip. She flipped them over, pinning the younger vampire beneath her body.

His eyes flickered across her face thoughtfully; knowing her strength out powered him. But instead of arguing he slid his hands into her short red hair, grabbing a fistful roughly. Her hands slid across his bare chest, nails racking slightly into his skin. The scratches healed as they were made. Damon pulled her face to his, harshly crashing their lips together.

"_To think just a few months ago high school seemed like the only thing that mattered."_

Damon's hands stilled in her hair, hearing Caroline's voice drift through the house. If Caroline was here that meant-.

"_And now every day there's a chance we won't even make it alive?" _Elena's uncertain voice came next.

Rose, feeling his sudden lack of interest stopped, rolling off of him. "So much for fun time." He grabbed the shirt he'd discarded earlier during their previous 'fun time' slipping it on quickly.

"_I prefer not to think of it that way."_

"Ladies." Damon greeted a second later, smiling casually.

Having heard him coming Caroling turned unsurprised to greet him. "Were you sleeping?" She was referring to his tousled hair.

"Looks more like sex hair." Elena commented, rolling her eyes. The edge in her tone not going unnoticed by either vampire.

Damon's eyes twinkled mischievously as they followed the human girl's movements around the living room. "I'm shocked you think I'd compromise my virtue in such a way Elena."

"You have no virtue" Rose countered, walking in behind him.

"Amen to that." Caroline agreed. She went to the bar, helping herself to some scotch. Being so new still the alcohol provided a much needed relief to her darker needs.

Elena crossed her arms, ducking her head to hide her irritation. Would it kill Rose to put some actual clothes on? Not Damon's old sweats.

"Hmm," Damon sneered, looking between the two vampire women. "Neither of you seemed to mind that."

"Is Stefan here?" Elena broke the banter abruptly.

"Someone's cranky." Damon said, speeding around the banister to stand before her. "Tsk tsk, ugliness is not an attractive quality in a woman."

She pushed him back a little. Despite knowing in the back of her mind he had let her, she still wore a smug smile at having Damon back down. He stepped aside, letting her walk past him.

"He's out hunting I believe." Rose answered since it didn't appear Damon was going to. "Did you need us for something?"

"No," Elena shook her head, not quite being able to meet the ancient vampire's intent stare. "Just wanted to know if anything new had been discovered."

"In that case, I'll be in the cellar. I'm hungry."

Damon watched Caroline slip away closing the cellar door behind her. Realizing Caroline meant the blood he had stored down there, he sped off calling after her. "Hey that's not for sharing!"

Rose and Elena were left alone, both very much aware of the elephant in the room. Damon Salvatore. Although Rose was more aware as to why it was Damon and not the fact that she had kidnapped the teenage human a mere week ago.

"It must be nice to have the Salvatore brothers willing to die for you. A human." Rose said, breaking the silence. "Not many of your kind can say the same."

"It won't come to that." Elena replied, determined. "I won't let them die for me."

"Them?" Rose's face twisted into an interested smile. The Salvatore brothers were only a mild curiosity really, her main goal being self preservation. They needed her. And she needed them so as not spend the next five-hundred years on the run.

But the twisted little triangle forming before her eyes was intriguing. What were the odds of two brothers falling for the same girl twice in two lifetimes? And Elena? The thud of her heart against her rib cage, when Rose mentioned the brothers dying, acted as lie detector of sorts.

"What should you care if the elder one dies? You hate him, no?"

Below their feet Damon hesitated for a fraction of a second, allowing for Caroline to get the best of him. She snatched the blood bag from his hands running for the stairs. It seemed like another eternity had passed before Elena spoke again.

"_I don't want to see anyone die."_

Shaking his head at Elena's evasion of the question, he slammed the lid of the cooler closed. On the bright side, he thought, at least she didn't damn him to hell.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimor- I own nothing.**

Stefan entered the living room, slipping his jacket off. Damon sat with his back to him, facing the fireplace. He could hear the turn of a page.

"What are you reading?"

Damon shrugged, slamming the book closed. "Not important. How was Bambi this afternoon?"

The younger vamp shook his head, smiling reluctantly. "Keep it up Damon. Eventually the jokes get old."

"Oh dear brother the joke is already old." Damon stood up, going over to the bar. "And you're it."

Damon poured himself and Stefan a glass of scotch walking over to his younger brother to hand it to him. "So what now little brother?"

"We find a way to end this." Stefan took a sip. "For good. And then Elena-."

"And you live happily ever after blah, blah bah." Damon stopped him, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"I was going to say she can finally have a life again. But yes Damon," Stefan sat his glass down facing his brother. "Elena and I _will _get back together."

Damon's head tilted thoughtfully, eyes narrowing. "Oh I don't doubt it."

"I know you care about her. It's okay." Stefan said. "I don't hold it against you."

"You should." Damon smirked darkly, setting his glass down as well. "Time changes everything. Even people Stefan. I mean, who knows," he shrugged, his eye brows raised. "Elena may start to find my dark looks and charm irresistible. It's been to known happen."

"Nev-."

Stefan's response was cut off by his phone ringing. "It's Bonnie." He flipped it open. "Hey. What's wrong?"

"_I think I might have found a way to save Elena. It's risky but worth a shot."_

"What is it?"

"_Well I was going through Grams books again and found something that mentions the moonstone. There's a way to dispel it, to take its power away."_

"That's great Bonnie. What do we do?"

"_That part I'm not entirely sure about yet. Jeremy's helping me now, we're going through everything again."_

"Alright," Stefan looked up at Damon who nodded, already grabbing his car keys and jacket. "We'll let Elena know and then we're coming help."

He hung up, following Damon out the house. He scrolled through his contacts looking for Elena's number.

* * *

Hearing the knocking at her door, Elena jumped off the couch running to get the door. She pulled it open quickly, smiling nervously as the Salvatore brothers stepped inside her house. She couldn't help but notice there was no Rose.

"You know," Damon started, "if you would have just stayed at the house like I said you could have saved us the time."

"Oh I'm sorry." Elena lifted a hand to her heart, trying to appear sorrowful. "Am I keeping you from your girlfriend?"

Damon made a face, looking at his younger brother. "She's funny. Maybe some of it can rub off on you."

"Let's just get this over with." Stefan said not taking the bait. He headed for the kitchen, Damon and Elena following.

She took a seat at the kitchen island, the brothers leaning against it opposite her. "So what's the big news?"

Stefan shuffled closer to her, preparing his words. "Well we were thinking about the moonstone. If the power it has can lift the curse what happens if we take that power away?"

"Basically we're going to make it worthless." Damon added.

"It's an ancient artifact. How are-."

Stefan cut her off, his own high hopes for this plan building his confidence in keeping her safe. "Elena, if we can dispel the moonstone we can save your life."

Even Damon cracked a smile, on the same page as his brother. Dispel the moonstone. Elena becomes useless to Klaus. It was as simple as that to him.

"Except for one thing," Elena said, not sharing in their joy. She lifted her head off her hand, leaning her now crossed arms on the counter. "I don't want you to do it."

"What?" Damon snapped, incredulous. Her eyes shifted to his, as serious and calm as Damon had ever seen her. "You're other option is death. Do-,"

"Damon that's enough." Stefan held out a hand, silencing his hot headed older brother. He turned back to his ex-girlfriend.

But Damon knocked his hand away, becoming furious. Now was not the time for Saint Stefan's level headed ways. "No. This is bullshit."

Cold and cruel blue eyes settled themselves on Elena. He stepped around the counter taking a step towards her. Stefan was there in a flash, one hand against Damon's chest. He placed another gently on Elena's shoulders when instead of backing down she rose and stood to face Damon.

"You're going to die Elena. _Die. _Hmm?" Damon's lips pursed together, smiling cruely. "Do you understand what that means? No undead life ahead of you. Just dead."

"I know what it means. I'm not a child Damon." She argued back her voice rising slightly.

"Then stop acting like one. You want to live?" He asked, although it wasn't her choice because he wasn't going to let her die. "Then we do the spell.

"Stop it." Stefan pushed his brother back some, creating space. "Fighting between us isn't going to solve anything."

He glanced between Elena and Damon trying to stay calm. He couldn't afford to lose his temper like his brother. As much as he wanted to staying calm was the only way they had a chance of surviving. "Elena we're doing the spell. Bonnie and Jeremy are working on it now trying to figure out how we're going to do this."

"So it doesn't matter what I want?" Elena shook off his grip, placing her hands on her hips. She barely spared him a look, her heated stare still fixed on the elder Salvatore and his icy blues. If only looks could kill.

"No."

"Yes." Stefan said over Damon's quick response. "But we're not letting you die Elena. And right now, this is the best option we have to save your life."

"At the risk of everyone else's lives though. I don't want that." Elena said, standing her ground.

"We all know the risks here." Stefan said softly, turning his back on Damon to face Elena. "But we have to try."

"Let her die if she wants to be dumb enough to do it." Damon spit out, straightening out his shirt. He pushed the sleeves up to his elbows. "I have better things to do than continuously save your life."

He stormed out, the front door slamming behind him as he left.

Sad, resigned brown eyes met her gaze now. So different than the icy stare from moments ago. "We have to go meet Bonnie now to help and then we're all meeting up at the Boarding House tonight. I'll call you when we're done with Bonnie so you can meet us."

He kissed the top of her forehead before she could argue. "Please Elena. You can't ask us to not do anything."

"I know." She sighed heavily. There had to be another way that wouldn't risk everyone she cared about. Caroline is a vampire, Tyler is a werewolf, Bonnie's grandma was dead all because of her. Because of Katherine. Elena didn't want another drop of her friends' blood spilled. She would figure something out.


End file.
